My Busted Alice in Wonderland Dream
Jardiance is really swell. The little pill with a big stor-y to tell.
I love that commercial. I love the jingle (it’s really singable, even with its scansion issues). I love Deanna Colón, the actress who sings it.
Most of all, I love that it’s a diabetes drug that helps you lose weight.
I. Want. That. Drug.
My mother died in the fall of 2019, and I spent considerable time in her hospital room eating. And sitting. And talking. And listening. And eating.
Did I mention eating?
A few months later, I and the rest of the world spent considerably more time cooped up in our homes, conveniently located near our fridges and pantries.
For me, the COVID 19 ended up being more like the COVID 25.
I have been trying for three years to lose the weight.
I make some progress, only to head backwards.
Then, in May, I saw this Atlantic story that gave me hope.
Not only could people lose weight on these drugs (I had seen that mentioned in commercials, but hadn’t paid much attention) but they might actually cure addictions.
I have tics. They kind of drive me crazy. Could Ozempic change that?
I could lose weight AND keep my face straight at the same time?
I. Want. This. Drug.
But the drug isn’t covered by most insurance for off-label use. Off-label, in this case, means for anything other than diabetes.
A few weeks ago I went to the doctor because I was feeling like crap. I had been eating like crap, and I knew these things were linked.
Now, I did not consciously start eating like crap around May just so my A1C levels would go up so I could get Jardiance or Ozempic.
Consciously is, of course, the operative word here.
I cannot vouch for my subconscious.
And I knew it wasn’t JUST A1C. My father has both diabetes and cholesterol issues, and this stuff is inherited to a large extent. I had been dealing with high normal cholesterol and pre-diabetes for nigh on a decade.
But eating like crap, as I was… I knew those numbers would change.
So I got my bloodwork done. Excited about the prospects of pharmaceutical intervention. And it came back with really high cholesterol and PRE-DIABETES A1C.
PRE. DIABETES.
Not diabetes.
Not the sanctioned reason for my insurance to pay for this drug I very much want!
I am heartbroken.
Now when Colón comes on my TV, I still sing the jingle, but with a bit of sadness. Because this should be prescribed for my cholesterol.
The argument I’m making here is that Ozempic makes you feel fuller so you will eat less, and if you feel full, you likely won’t eat too many Trader Joe’s Hatch Chili Mac N Cheese, so your cholesterol will go down.
Actually, lower cholesterol is one of the side benefits of both Jardiance and Ozempic.
But the FDA hasn’t sanctioned that. Yet.
I feel like I will always be pre-diabetic. I mean, if my eating habits since May didn’t tip me over, not much can. And, alas, I had to turn to actually eating a more Mediterranean-style diet.
You know. Healthy.
I’m only half joking, you know.
I think.
And yes, this is a story of a girl dreaming of pharmaceuticals. But it’s also a story of a girl being swept up by a catchy tune sold well.
I looked up the difference between Jardiance and Ozempic.
First, Jardiance comes in a pill form. Ozempic is an injection. I don’t mind injections? My children are In Vitro twins, and I did a lot of injections. But… how tedious.
But while Ozempic works to simulate gut microbes, so that you will feel more full and eat less, Jardiance works to put more sugar in your urine. It makes you more thirsty. So you drink more. And pee more.
This is the deal killer for me. I already drink around 80 ounces of water every day. Not to mention coffee. I would not get anything done if I had to drink and pee more.
So, the injection would be fine. I can deal with it.
Maybe.
But still… I. Want. This. Drug.
In the meantime, it’s back to my nuts and berries.
(Sigh)
If you have been meaning to convert to paid, this is the time to do it.